One of the things I am most looking forward to on this summer’s Mongol Rally is searching for hilarious headlines in newspapers from of the places I’ll visit. It’s become a weird hobby of mine ever since I read a headline saying “More Mutilated Ducks Found – Foul Play Suspected.”

It’s not like I can read anything other than English or a menu from a Mexican restaurant; but we’ll be on the road for a long time so I figure I may as well kill time using Google Translate to see if I come across any more gems like these:

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
War Dims Hope for Peace
Obesity Study Looks for Larger Test Group
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Disclaimer. Most of this collection came from an online discussion of college football, that digressed from the question of what will be next year’s college football headlines, to what are the dumbest headlines ever?  I wish I knew who to credit for these journalistic marvels, but I don’t. If you’re responsible for any of these, feel free to give yourself credit. I’d love to hear the funniest/dumbest headlines you’ve encountered.

Thanks for the laughs.